Overwhelmed

I've had three children in 5 years. In that time, I got up every single night with them. I changed every single diaper. Fixed every single meal and gave every bath. Then, when they were 6, 3, and 18 months, I became a single mom. I worked full time and had two additional part time jobs. When they were 9, 6, and 4, I was working full time and going to school. And yet, never do I remember feeling this overwhelmed. Maybe it was because I knew I had no choice but to be strong and get it done. Maybe it was because my mom came two times a week and helped with the kids. Maybe it was because I was younger.

I just don't get it. It's just one more. I had four already. One more should not make that much of a difference. But oh, how it does. There are never enough hours in the day. Never enough time or opportunity to spend with the kids. Never enough energy to get the house clean, or the laundry done, or a decent meal cooked, or the papers graded, or for exercise. Or to play explorers or to sit on the couch and hold Charlotte. Never enough sleep. When I do sleep, I wake up and then my mind thinks of all I must do, should do, and I wonder how I am going to get it all done. I haven't read a book, or any part of one, in seven weeks.

At school, it is no better. There is always something to do, something I am supposed to be doing that I am not, something that should have been turned in that wasn't, or updated and wasn't. I take it home with me and it sits on the counter, forgotten amidst the chaos, the busyness, the mess. Meetings and help sessions after school and seemingly during every planning period proclude finishing at school, and after the meetings are over? I WANT TO GO HOME. To my babies, to sit on the couch and snuggle and laugh and sing and play. For exactly five minutes until all of the other things that need to be done win out...the dinner, the dishes, the bottles, the laundry, the dogs.

This weekend, my goal is to regain some order. To do some laundry. To clean. And yes, the elusive lesson plans and ungraded papers. to be able to walk into a bathroom without stepping on dirty clothes or seeing an overflowing trash can. To have everyone's clothes at least in their own room and out of the huge pile on my bedroom floor. To vacuum, mop, scrub showers.

Or maybe...I'll sleep in, blow raspberries, read boooks, and kiss baby toes....

Update and pictures on Monday.

Sarah's First Varsity Cheer Competition

This past Saturday was Sarah's first varsity cheer competition. She was nervous and incredibly excited, and we all (plus Maranda) piled in the Expedition and headed for Warner Robbins. The Chargers were scheduled to compete at 1:45, which would give us plenty of time to get back home for the Georgia game after she performed. She would ride the bus back. That was our plan.

Here they are, about to take the mat. Sarah is second row, second from the front.

I am not sure if this is even her stunt group, but I think it must be since Daryl took the picture. They nailed each and every one of the stunts!
Part of the cute dance part.

And here is Sarah after competing. And this is where our plan went awry. Right after this picture is when Sarah told us that no one else was riding the bus home. And that her knee had popped out of place (really her knee cap) right before they performed. She was a little teary, but alright. Daryl decided that we would stay, so Sarah wouldn't have to ride the bus home alone. (I must give him HUGE kudos to doing this so cheerfully, fully knowing that he would miss his Dawgs playing!)

So we traipsed back to our seats...car seat, diaper bag, toy/snack bag, purse, toddler and all. Yes, much to Josh's chagrin...we were that family.

Charlotte seemed unfazed by the cheering, the loud music, the fans stomping on the bleachers. She was awake for most of the competition, and even managed to sleep amidst the noise.

Hannah was Hannah. Very active. Very vocal. Always moving. Always eating. To her credit, though, she wasn't scared of the loud noises either, something we had feared. She wanted to climb, so Josh obliged. Here she is doing a cheer.

And...they won first place!!! Here is the happy team after awards were announced. You notice that Sarah's smile is there...but looking a bit forced...

Because...her knee that had popped out of place? It didn't just hurt a little bit. It hurt ALOT. And was swollen. And...she couldn't walk.

So we carried her to the car, loaded everyone back up and headed back to Lake City. All of that cheering must have worn everyone out, because all of the sudden, I look back and everyone is sleeping.

Sarah spent a fitful, painful night last night, and instead of church this morning, we went to the urgent care center. The doctor there confirmed what we already knew, that she had patella tracking problems on her knees. Which means...her knee caps slide to the side, injuring the tendons around them. Which coincidentally...or probably not so coincidentally...I had surgery for when I was 16 years old. She's on crutches, ordered to see an orthopedist next week, out of cheer until the ortho clears her, and heartbroken. And...in a lot of pain.

And just because she is so darn cute....a picture of my "princess-pirate-mermaid-ballet school girl." She got this too cute tu-tu and wand from Grandma, and she has yet to take it off without being forced to. She has pretended to be all sorts of things. In this picture, she is pretending to be a "mermate."

So what a way to end a very hectic week. Along with getting back to work, we've had Josh feeling bad, Sarah hurting her back then her knee in cheer, Hannah got a cold, and Daryl had a stomach bug. Add to that 5 days of undone laundry, countless meetings and parent conferences, a jealous/overtired/cranky 3 year old, and TONS of school work to do, and I have been thisclose to a nervous breakdown!

Here's to a calmer, more organized, healthier week in the Stone household!

things that've made me smile this week

Reflections on my first week back ...

Stick a school bag under one arm and this is how I feel!

Enough said!

Back to life...back to reality

And so real life begins again. No more staying in my pj's and watchingn Playhouse Disney with Hannah and feeding Charlotte while everyone else gets up and out. No more spending hours holding Charlotte and feeling her fuzzy little head against my neck. No more watching TLC all day. Or doing laundry in the middle of the week. Or having picnics on the living room floor.

Back to work for me tomorrow. And while I have missed working, I have a feeling that I am going to miss my sweet babies even more. The first few weeks of my maternity leave drove me crazy...just sitting at home all day, church being my only outlet or way to see people. The last two weeks, though, the kids have been super busy and we have had lots to do in the afternoons and evenings. It was perfect...a day of being at home, getting things done, enjoying the quality time with my little girls. Then off in the afternoon to the football game, the concert, to church.

Fortunately, Hannah and Charlotte will be able to stay home this week, so it won't feel so bad leaving them. Unfortunately, Charlotte is dealing with some tummy/formula issues and it breaks my heart to think of her hurting and me not there to comfort her.

And unfortunately, not a thing I can do about it--the having to leave part. And I know that, like with all of the others, I will get used to being away from her every day. But right now, that's little consolation.

Since it is my night to get up with her...maybe I'll be ready for a little break by 6 am????

Homecoming

Last night was ELCA's homecoming football game, and I ventured out without the little girls for the first time since Charlotte was born. I'd been to the store, to get my haircut, left them in the nursery at church, but this was the first time I had left them for a long period of time. It felt strange, and for a while, my heart and arms ached for them. Then the chaos of Homecoming at ELCA began and I was hot and sweaty and there were tons of people, and I was glad they were home bonding with Daddy!

Both Josh and Maranda were on the Homecoming court this year. Josh, of course, wasn't here, but Maranda looked stunning!

The Chargers won something like 53 to 3...so it was a good night!
Today, on what is supposed to be a rainy Saturday, we are cleaning the house in preparation for Josh to come home/Maranda to come over/me to go back to work. We'll also step out later to take Sarah to get her sports physical (gotta love Walgreens Take Care Clinics!) so she can compete in her first varsity competition next Saturday, and then to get haircuts.

Josh's plane lands at 7:11 pm. We can't wait to see him!

Girls Will Be Girls

This week we've had only girls at home, with Josh in Hungary. And it has been a hot bed of hormones!

All little girls...and big girls love to dress up. Here is Hannah dressed in her Halloween costume. May I say that she is wearing this only AFTER she threw it at Maddy for "ruining her life" when she couldn't hold the pom pom correctly. She did end up liking the costume, after I told her that I would give it to some other little girl who wouldn't throw it and she cried big fat fake cries for a few minutes.

Sarah and Maddy, dressed up for Pirate Day at school. Not sure why they decided to add Pirate Day to Homecoming week, but they enjoyed getting dressed up!

And of course, Hannah had to get in on the Pirate action too!

Charlotte turned one month old this week, and as a birthday gift of sorts, I got her an activity mat. My sweet Aunt Mary sent us a gift card, thinking that surely we had everything we needed, seeing as this is our fifth (little did she know that after Maddy, and then again after Hannah, we purged everything baby, convinced that they were indeed the last) Here is Charlotte enjoying her mat for the 5.7 seconds that she did. Then she realized that, "hey...my mommy is not holding me and I am not crying." Yes, her one month birthday was spent being a crabby pants!

And like with all of Charlotte's things, Hannah had to try it out first!

Tuesday night, Maddy's chorus gave a concert and here is Hannah. Do not let the smile fool you. She was right in the middle of being "that child," --loud and jealous and busy during the concert instead of listening nicely--and she reverted to the "if everyone is paying attention to the baby sister, then I will just act like her too!" mode.

And here is Maddy right before they started singing. She did such a beautiful job singing and praying, but was also smiling on the outside while horrified on the inside. The reason? The capped sleeves on the shirt that I bought her while she was at school. Yes, I am rolling my eyes at this one.

And just because...a picture of my sweet "baby Charlotte."

One month old. Hard to believe. Looking more and more like her Daddy to me.

*No longer sleeping long stretches of time during the night. I can officially say she has her days and nights mixed up!

*Finding her voice and crying a lot more. Still not reminiscent of Hannah, but more than before.

*Staying awake for longer stretches of time (mostly in the 2:30-4:30 am timeframe)

*Finally out of newborn diapers and newborn sleepers. Still has little bitty chicken legs, but she's gotten long...and chubby cheeks!

*Taking up to 4 ounces of formula at a time, but not an easy burper.

*Very gassy

*Doesn't smile at us yet, but her face changes when she is content. You can tell she is happy.

*Holds head up for short periods of time.

*More than anything else, enjoys being held.

*Goat noises...still making them! (tho Sarah would argue that she sounds more like a horse!)