My very first baby girl...

Motherhood is such a juggling act. And to be honest, I rarely feel like I do a good job at "keeping my balls in the air." I always feel like something is getting the majority of my attention, the good part of me. If I have it together at school, my house suffers. If I cook every night and make sure the laundry is done (HAHAHAHA!), then it is most likely true that I have a stack of papers to grade and am behind on some sort of paperwork. I always thought I did a pretty good job of not playing favorites and treating my children will equal amounts of love and attention.

It became glaringly obvious tonight that this is not true after all. Sarah was resetting my background on my desktop, and looked through the blog to find pictures of everyone to make a collage. She only looked through March, but couldn't find a single picture of herself. My heart just broke in two when I realized that I hadn't blogged about her or taken a picture of her all month, and broke in two again when I pondered the fact that she might indeed get from this that I care less about her or that she is less important. Which could not be farther from the truth.

Sarah is the classic middle child. Her older and younger siblings are very intense and have no problem making their needs known. Sarah is more laid back and go-with-the-flow, and she will willingly put her desires on hold to help someone else or to smooth out a sticky situation. She is enormously talented, yet will not perform in front of people. She is the sweetest, kindest, most nurturing teenager I know. She is beautiful inside and out. And I hope that I never again fail to make that abundantly clear to her.


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And since we are talking--OK, I'm talking/writing--about my dropping my balls.....

Every time I got pregnant, I made a cross-stitched stocking for the baby-to-be. Their first Christmas always came with their made by mom with love stocking hanging on the mantle. I look at each one and remember how I lovingly and diligently worked on each one so they would be done in time. With Josh, it was done way before his first Christmas. With Sarah, it was about a week before Christmas when I finished. With Maddy, it was maybe 2 days--my mom sewed it together right in the nick of time. With Hannah....umm.....well....OK...ball dropped. I started, got busy, and stopped. I got started with one, and the cat peed on it. I got another, easier one that I really didn't like and Sarah borrowed it for a prop for a play and I never found it again. In the meantime, Hannah was perfectly happy with each of the stockings that I got for her at Christmas. But I just felt so ashamed that I had not had enough diligence and discipline to get it finished.

So...now facing being two kids behind, I bit the bullet and ordered two--one for Hannah, and one for the little one to come. My plan is to get at least Hannah's done by Christmas and get started on the other. I have to, need to, MUST take it easy this summer and stay off my feet so that I can make it to my due date without bedrest like last time, so maybe it will get done this time!