As you come to him, the living Stone--rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him--you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 2: 4-5

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Joy amidst the darkness

I won't lie. These have been some dark days for me this last week. When this anxiety grips my heart, my mind, my body, it is all encompassing, threatening to break me at any minute. I struggle daily to calm my mind and spirit, but find that sitting and doing nothing makes it worse. So I have been trying to keep as busy as I can. I know that this so does not follow the "fifteen minutes up for every 45 minutes down" rule. But I do know that I have 4 other children to take care of...and I can not function when the fear, the panic, the anxiety grips me. I haven't been able to eat all week--and that is a first for me. NOTHING, and I mean nothing, has ever taken my appetite, but I have found myself gagging at even trying to put food in my mouth, and have lost 7 pounds. I know this is not good for the baby, as well as the lack of sleep, and so I choose to be up a little bit more and involved a whole lot more than I have been this summer. To get my myself out of my own head. To think about and be involved in something else than my own suffering.

So a little bit of fun, a little bit of joy from today...
"walking" Little Phil (or you could say Little Phil was walking Sarah!)

Finding "venture" in the yard, but no rolie polies :( Here is Sarah watching Hannah as she explored the front yard!

A tea party with real tea...
Trying on Sarah's new shoes!
Sarah has been such a dear this last week. She knows how I have not been sleeping, and has made a pallet on the floor for Hannah in her room. She has been sleeping with her and taking care of her during the night for me...such a big help. So today, we headed for Tanger and got her a little something just for her...for giving so much of herself this week. The shoes were compliments of her sweet Nanny, and while her dad didn't exactly approve of them(too high, he says), the purchase of 2 new shoes (on sale for $17 total) made Sarah positively giddy. Her words--Happiness is Jesus, cheerleading, and new shoes!!!

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