A year ago, Daryl and I went to go out to eat, and Hannah was just not having it.  She wanted to go with us.  Didn't understand why she couldn't go with us.  She thought she would stop us from going by throwing herself on the floor in front of the door and sobbing hysterically.  I tried to get a picture of it, but like usual, the camera wasn't on. (Do you know how many times this happens?)  This, instead, is what I got.  Daryl picking Hannah up and her clinging to the door...still sobbing hysterically.  We ended up going out to eat, but neither of us really enjoyed it as much as we would have.  Of course, when we got home, she was fine and had been as soon as we had walked out of the door.

Flash forward to this morning.  Today, I decided to take a mental health day.  I just needed it.  It had been way too long since I had a day off, and I desperately needed some time to myself to just be and do nothing.  And even though I wasn't going in to work, I still took the girls to school.

As Hannah got out of her seatbelt, a single tear rolled down her cheek and she started to cry, begging me to take her home with me.  "Please mommy, please.  I'll be quiet. I'll miss you."  To be fair, she has never been to school without me (none of my kids have).  I teach at the Christian school they attend, and she knows that I am just a hallway and two corners away.  I pop in to see her, just for a hug or a smile, at least once a day.  She waves to me from the playground when I'm at carpool.

But as I watched her walk into the school building, holding hands with her big sister, my heart broke completely in two.  As she looked back at me, her trademark pout on her face, and her eyes pleading with me, a single tear rolled down my cheek.  I waited until they got into the school before leaving so she wouldn't have to watch me drive off, and I didn't have to see her see me drive off.  And just for a moment, I thought about going back and getting her.  Taking her home with me and enjoying a little Hannah time (which, just in case you were wondering, would entail a few Barbie movies and playing Barbies all day.)

In the end, though, I didn't.  I went and worked out, went grocery shopping, and then returned home for what has been a totally relaxing, completely satisfying mental health day.  And I hope that when she returns from school, that she will have been fine all along. 

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